Trolling is an art and I need to get a passion

In addition to being a full time artist, my wife and I have a number of little ventures to keep the flow of money going through my home. Everything I do is hand made, and takes time and effort to create IN ADDITION to the fact that we work to create new and innovative things that enrich my artwork.

So recently, we participated in a Flash sale in which a number of members of the site began to yell about the cost of shipping. What proceeded was a number of comments about the issue. The cost of shipping was nearly the same cost as the heavily discounted piece that was selling, and this was a deterrent for ‘potential’ buyers. I say ‘potential’ because lets be honest here, if you’re going to complain, it’s likely that you weren’t going to buy anyway. Let me break it down:

Cost of item: $17.95

Cost of shipping via United States Postal Service (USPS): $14.95

Now here is a breakdown of what I perceive to be the conversation that takes place in the mind of ‘potential’ buyers:

“Nice! Something that normally costs $35 is $17.95?! What a deal! Oh. Wait. The shipping is almost $15? What a rip off. Jeez, what a bunch of assholes. This company is totally taking advantage of the sale by charging so much for shipping. I can believe them. This isn’t on sale at all! What a JIP!”

The action that takes place after this groundbreaking thought is to take it to Facebook. Not just their personal Facebook, but to the Facebook page of said site that is selling this item.

So the sale item is selling for nearly half. When you put in the cost of shipping, it’s a little more. That’s shipping. Of course, shipping doesn’t include things like the cost of packing the piece properly. It’s straight up. United States Postal Service (USPS). While everyone who piped into the afore mentioned Facebook thread seems to miss this, I have a tirade about the interaction of 3rd parties with online businesses. It goes a little something like this:

I’m so angry. What do you do when you’re mad about something? Do you write a letter? Post it on your blog? Throw yourself to the ground and flail and scream and cry? You’re mad, outraged even. I get it. When I get mad at, say, my wife, I have a special banner that I put outside my house so that passer by’s can see how angry I am about the injustices of her pregnancy woes. Right? Wrong. Like all things, if I get upset by it, I talk to the person directly. I assume this to be a responsible and adult like response to things. Posting it publicly? Yeah, not so much. If I did that, I may as well put a crucifix on my front lawn too because I’ll be hanging on it before too long. While ranting about something on Facebook isn’t as personal, I believe that eventually, and in some form, you will end up crucifying yourself for your actions. Dying for your own sins, as opposed to that other guy.

I don’t think things through. And, I mean, why would you. You have a computer, a keyboard, you have spell check, so why not just say what’s in your head. Be damned the responses of others. I believe everyone should know when I’m in the midst of dropping a deuce, or am outraged by shipping charges set by the USPS. I know full well that USPS won’t listen, so I’ll just blame the business. Well thought out plan.

I type out loud. 1) think it. 2) type it as you think it. 3) don’t read what you wrote. 4) press enter.

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE. Yes, a reference to There Will Be Blood. You see, the concept there was about one person taking something away from someone else who is taking advantage of everyone else. When the complaints about this whole Shipping Gate took place, what these ladies didn’t realize is that they are hurting our business. You aren’t going to buy? Oh, ok. Sorry to lose your money. But to take the time to post negatively within hours of the sale going live about something we have no control over is just that: negative. What they aren’t realizing is that the line between our profit and food on our table is non-existent. The other thing people don’t realize is that much like fear, negativity spreads. So one jerkoff comments, then everyone else is like “heeeeeey, you’re right!” and so it goes. We probably lost more than a few sales as a result, and that pretty much makes you a dick. If you were so concerned about it, maybe you should have put on your ‘good citizen’ hat and made a phone call or sent an email.

You and your feelings be damned. My wife worked pretty hard to get some of the concepts down for this particular items. She did the research, and got the concepts down. You just zipped down your pants, squatted over the work and pissed away. The rule of thumb for me is that if you make my wife cry, I make you cry.

Complain about the economy, complain about you. This is one of those things that infuriates me to no end. You complain about the economy, yet you are willing to break down those that are trying to make it with your petty comments. Do you have something constructive to say? Perhaps you should think about a way to CONSTRUCTIVELY say it. We have a lazy economy. Everyone wants it to be better, but everyone is sitting on their butts making ill comments and not doing anything about it. When I say everyone, I am only talking about the half dozen people who sparked this message. Yeah, you.

Call a cow a cow and a chicken a chicken. Let’s call it what it is. You don’t want to buy it. Chances are, you’re too cheap. That’s ok. In this economy, it’s a good thing to try and be frugal. Clearly you’re mad about it and feel you have to air horn your inner thoughts in hopes of busting someone’s proverbial eardrums. Whatever. Don’t’ make a small business suffer for it, just tell everyone you’re too cheap to do it. It’s better that way.

I’m DIY and will shit on your DIY making your DIY smell awful because I had hot wings for lunch making your DIY a shitty spicy mess. So yeah. Often times I get unsolicited critiques on my work, or in this case, on my wife’s work. The ever daunting statement of “Oh, I can do that, and for less money.” Awesome. I’m happy for you. How about you stop talking about it and do it. Also? Try not to tell any homely children how ugly they are and how you can shoot better looking kids from your Vajayjay any day of the week and they should just kill themselves.

Listen, I’m not stupid. Putting my stuff up on the internet means that people will be saying whatever. I get it. I just have this odd inner hope of people being decent and kind, and not trying to railroad other’s success because you’re angry, miserable, constipated, poor, have a paper cut, hate your life, hate your children, hate your job, hate your big sausage fingers, have hurt feelings, or whatever. While I may be going overboard, allow me to share part of the thread I am talking about.

Anonymous Dick: Shipping is $15, how is that a good price?

Enter in the awesome folk who pipped in on our behalf. I love our friends. I truly do!

Anonymous Dick (again): I think decreasing the shipping rate while raising the price of the item still makes it almost a $30 item. Not really a steal when the original is $35.

My response: Actually, Dick, It’d be $35 for the original PLUS the cost for shipping, which would bring the total to about $46. I’m not sure why it’s so hard to understand that if you buy something, you have to pay for shipping for it. It’s an unavoidable cost. I am certain, however, it would be ok to pay the cost of airfare to pick it up personally, so as to avoid the significant cost of shipping.

Anonymous Dick (again again): I don’t find myself rude, I am just questioning a price. I find others responses disrespectful & not needed. I am the last person to whine as an owner of a business myself I am fully aware of shipping costs, as well as airfare( really? complete disrespect). I do not need to argue with other randoms on the internet who quite frankly need to get a passion so you aren’t scanning every comment for an argument. Thank for showing the ugly side of humanity. I do not wish to comment further, & would hope you show the same adult respect.

Ha, ha. I’m sorry. I know I’m a jerk, but I can’t help myself. At least I’m not hiding my jerkness under a veil of a ‘concerned citizen’. Someone take her keyboard away please.

The good news is that I had a fantastic laugh upon seeing this on her FB page:

Lets be honest here. We are a small business. We are a small business that is doing our best to use our God given talents to make a living, albeit a meager living. As products of a poor economy, these types of actions hit home hard and fast and so it is my hope, nay, my prayer that you think before you react. A good old fashioned self entitled tirade based on the misconception of someone owing you something for free is a falsehood that damages these businesses you deem fit to hear your skewed words of wisdom. If you were to remove your head from your ass, you might find that you sound like a dick. But lets be honest here, the ‘you’ I speak of probably don’t read my writings, and if you do, you’re not aware of yourself enough to have this be anything of importance to you. So I will keep running in my circles and see you on the rotation!